Sophie and Ditz -The Ballroom

Three crystal chandeliers decked in bayberry candles dangled over the marble ballroom. The ceiling they hung from contained carved scenes of plants, bugs, and lions frozen in time. Bugs drinking tea. The lion’s gaping maw forever roaring out in protest against the golden vines. Cello music echoed throughout the room, alongside the pitter-patter of birds’ feet and the hushed gobbles from their owners.

Turkeys filled the room, all dressed in their finest garments. Some wore silver wigs towering twelve feet high, decorated in pearls and autumn leaves. One or two decorated their wigs as snow-covered mountains. Train tracks coiled around them as a small train circled puffing smoke. A few seemed to use them to store dishes of Jell-O and gravy mashed potatoes.

Many wore sunhats, harboring poults—baby turkeys, dressed in tiny dresses and suits. Their unhatched siblings sat among them. They nuzzled in their soft feather beds, napping or playing games. Other turkeys seemed to be dressed in black tuxedos and top hats. Each distinguished by their own ribbon color.

A few of the party guests sat upon the chandeliers drinking champaign. Their gowns of glittering red and midnight blue, far too long to be dragged along the floor.

Pugs carrying trays of food and drink scattered about the floor, dressed in identical white tuxedos. Their trays held eel soup, bake-stuffed lizard, and edible cabinets made of espresso chocolate. A few pugs were tied to balloons, attending to the chandelier turkeys. One pug in a cranberry-stained tuxedo, seemed far more interested in sampling the dishes than the others.

In the corner of the room, amongst the many stacks of red wrapped boxes, sat a young girl dressed in blue. Not quite a turkey, and not quite a pug. Instead, she was a human, which was quite unusual.

She sat with her legs turned in odd directions, almost trapped in their position. Under her feet was a box of balloons. Staring longingly at the far corner of the room, a pair of turkeys were studying a pair of leg braces. They were made of metal and cowhide. A tad bit strange for them to see.

Scratching her head, she winced as the strands of her brunette hair pinched. They were tied together in an elaborate tangle of knots and braids. All kept in place using a hundred blue ribbons.

Her dress was a mesh of feathers, fabric, and other things. She wore a bustle covered in long blue and white feathers. The young girl might not have minded wearing such a thing, if it weren’t for the white leggings and powder makeup. It felt like ants were crawling all over her body. Their tiny appendages creeping anywhere from the calves on her legs to the bridge of her nose.

Bright red scratches covered her legs and a part of her face. Her nails were trimmed and filed to prevent further mutilation. As an extra precaution, they made her wear long, white silk gloves. The lotion they put on her didn’t make her feel any better. It felt like slugs sliding down her back and arms.

Tucking her hands into the folds of her dress, she pulled out a pale pink envelope. It felt almost yesterday. The well. The cold-water seeping into her dress. A juvenile turkey, splashing about in terror.

Where were all the people? Sophie wondered to herself. She knew about people dressing their pets up in silly costumes and having them do unusual plays. But this was getting ridiculous.

“I hope everything is to your favor, miss,” a voice beside her said. She turned. Finally, a human! Now she can get an explanation.

However, when she turned, she came face-to-face with a turkey. He was dressed wearing a black tuxedo with a matching black top hat, similar to most other turkeys. The only difference was the monocle perched over his left eye. His neck was a tad too long for her liking. It crooked a bit to one side, like a plant trying to find sunlight.

She looked around, expecting this to be some sort of prank. Maybe the person was sitting behind the many boxes? Perhaps hiding nearby the bright red tricycle? It was big enough for her to sit in, so there had to be at least one human.

“Who said that?” she asked.

“Tis, I,” the turkey uttered a gobble. “Reginald Everard Wattles.”

“You just talked!”

“Well, of course I can speak,” Reginald gobbled proudly. “All of us can.”

“I mean,” she paused for a moment. “You can speak English.”

Reginald let out a shrill gobbling sound. “I certainly hope so! I can speak 29 languages. Five of which happen to be the language you odd-ducks speak.” He pointed his wing at Sophie. “My speaking is, for obvious reasons, nothing of your local parlance, but I’ll make due.” He flicked his wings and did a light bow. “I’ve been assigned your chaperone for tonight.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I work in erudition, my dear. Studying cultures and languages is my specialty.”

“You really shouldn’t be here,” uttered a small voice from under her feet. She looked down and practically jumped out of her seat. It was one of the pugs! This pug had a predominant brown splotch over its right eye.

“Ditz!” Reginald exclaimed.

“This is it,” Sophie placed the back of her hand on her forehead, leaning back into the boxes. “I’m dying and having a hallucination.”

Gobbling, he gasped, “Great Scott, you are not! If you were, we would’ve sent you to the doctor post-haste!”

Before Sophie could ask what they consider as doctors, a reverse-eyed pug carrying fizzy drinks sneezed. One of his eyes popped out of his head, and bounced down the ballroom to Sophie’s feet. She shrieked and kicked it, making it bounce against a wall and fall into one of the turkey’s drinks.

“Good grief, Odd!” Reginald shouted. “How many times have I told you to keep an eye on your eye? We can’t keep replacing them!” He wondered off in search of the eye, Odd close behind him.

Trumpets began to play from somewhere she didn’t know. Several turkeys began pouring out onto the stage at the front of the ballroom. Various turkeys dressed in tin armor filled the room, each one with a bucket on it’s head and a mop in wing. The same juvenile turkey she had rescued from the well appeared enveloped around them. He was slender, fanning his wings to make himself appear larger. Next to him was a rotund turkey wearing a red velvet cape edged with fur, carried out by several other pugs wearing holly wreathes on their heads.

A frazzled Reginald immediately rushed up on stage alongside them. The large turkey gobbled a few words.

“Good evening all those who arrived,” Reginald translated. “On this joyous day. The day of Prince Jake’s birth.”

The turkeys in the audience cheered. Sophie sat flat faced. Her lips pressed against each other in a thin line as she tried to make sense of it all.

The turkey continued his speech, gobbling along.

Reginald spoke as he did, “Soon, he will take his place as ruler of the Rafter. As your King Meleagris, I promise you there will be cakes, gifts, and a lovely bride.”

Another gobbling cheer erupted.

“A bride?” Sophie looked around the room. “Where is she?”

Ditz turned back to Sophie, a soft frown on his smushed face.

“What?”

“You are the bride.”

“What??”

“It’s quite simple really,” the pug began. “When you rescued the prince, he found you quite charming. Which is good, because a bird like you would not make it out very well in the animal kingdom.”

“I’m not a bird,” Sophie frowned. “I’m a human.”

“Never saw one,” Ditz said. “Anyway, it’s a lot better than what I originally thought you were brought here for—”

She grabbed him and shook him, his head bobbing like a ragdoll.

“Listen here, you little shih tzu—”

“I’m a pug.”

“Doesn’t matter,” she snapped. “I’m not ready for marriage! Let alone marriage to a bird, of all things!”

“It’s a bit difficult to change a royal’s mind,” Ditz explained.

“Well, how do I change it?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Ditz perked up. “There’s some laws around here that are pretty silly, if you ask me. But they’re so strict about them. Break one of them, and they’ll have to kick you out.”

“Just tell me already, will you?”

The pug took a deep breath, and gave Sophie a stern look.

“Chili peppers.”

“What?”

“Chili peppers,” he repeated. “The turkeys absolutely hate chili peppers. Alongside noise and some other herbs. But it’s a heck of a lot easier to sneak in chili peppers than an air horn.”

“Where am I going to get chili peppers?”

“Simple,” he pulled out a small satchel. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to use these for a while now.”

“You had chili peppers this whole time?” Sophie’s plucked eyebrows raised. “Why didn’t you tell that to me when you first spoke?”

“I was sort of going to,” Ditz said. “But I got distracted. Anyway, I’ve been wanting to use them but I don’t really have… well… thumbs. Or the bravery. But you seem to have a lot of bravery. May you do it, pretty please?” The pug gave her puppy dog eyes.

She snatched the bag from his paws. “Okay, fine! What do you want me to do?”

“Ditz’s eyes widened. “You mean you’ll do it?”

“Of course. I don’t want to be a turkey’s wife.”

“Holy moly macaroni! This is the bestest day ever! But I can’t really think of an idea—”

A sharp sound zipped past her ear. With a soft thunk, a small metal object lodged itself into one of the boxes. They both looked at each other and had the same idea.

Sophie and the pug filled the helium balloons with chili pepper powder out on the second-floor balcony overlooking the rest of the ballroom. With his nose, Ditz took the chili powder and inserted into the balloon. Sophie inflated it using a helium canister they found.

“Careful now,” she said, tying a bandana over his face. “You don’t want to end up losing your eyes.”

They took the darts they collected and began throwing them, popping the balloons left and right. Red powder began falling down upon the crowd. The turkeys made several polite sneezes, coughs, and wheezes. Pugs fell from the sky. Gravy spilled. Bowls of Jell-O crashed to the floor. Trains derailed and pearls dropped. Several turkeys dropped from the chandeliers, gobbling and gasping for air. Babies began to cry and eggs began to roll.

Odd, the same pug from earlier, had lost his eye again.

The turkey king gobbled in frustration, having been knocked to the ground. Reginald and Prince Jake helped him back up.

“Good heavens!” Reginald cried out. “Who dares to be so vitriolic?””

The king’s waddle expanded to the size of a large toad as he began barking orders at the guard. They searched all around the ballroom to find the culprit. First, the balloon pugs were blamed. Then, the chicks, before they moved on to interrogate the chandelier turkeys.

Laughter erupted from the second floor. Their eyes widened in fright. Such a strange sound!

Readying their mops, the guards ran up the spiral staircase, to find Sophie and Ditz cackling to each other. A guard was just about to escort Sophie back down to the gift table when he discovered it: Chili pepper powder caking her dress and gloves!

One of the guards gave out a high-pitched caw, and they began to make chase. They chased her all the way back down to the ballroom. From there, she snatched her leg braces and hit one of the turkeys on the head. The turkey guard fell to the floor with a clatter, wings sprawled on the floor and his legs upright. The mop clanking to the ground. A large, concave on the side of his bucket.

Making a break for the presents, she grabbed the red tricycle and tossed Ditz into the wicker basket. Looking for an exit, she sped off, weaving around the many shrieking turkeys. Some had taken flight onto the second balcony. A couple chicks fell off their mother’s hat and landed into Sophie’s hair. Ditz found himself with a plate of Jell-O with a train lodged inside.

Glancing all around the room, she spotted a pink stained-glass window. It was wide, and revealed a starry sky. Quickly, she peddled her way through the sea of fowl. They screamed and pecked in sounds she had never heard before.

One guard turkey—the biggest of all other guard turkeys, stood in between Sophie and a wide window. Puffing out his chest, he expanded his wings, overtaking the entirety of the window. The turkey grinned as he stared menacingly at Sophie. Only, it was too late before he discovered himself flattened against the marble. She sped past him and crashed through the window.

Sophie looked behind her—the peach-colored palace glowing in the night. The palace sat in the center of a spruce pine forest. Its branches covered any chance of moonlight. Her teeth chattered as a gust of wind blew through her hair. The baby turkeys quietly chirped in fright, huddling together for warmth.

Glancing through the window, she could see turkeys running all over the ballroom. Most of them shrieking in terror, while others chased after children. The king was squawking at Reginald, his waddle swelling even larger. Odd happily carrying his tray of fizzy drinks, with a tennis ball for an eye.

Gripping the handlebars, she looked down at Ditz. The Jell-O in his paws trembling as he stared far off into the woods. She gently nudged him, and he looked up at her. He only took one glance at the window before shaking his head. Touching his snout to her knee, he gestured for her to go ahead. Pushing through the grass, she pressed hard against the pedals, furthering herself from the palace.

Cycling off into the wilderness, Sophie was finally free from the turkeys.